New Charity of the Year: Bikes to Semis Program

Now here’s a new idea, let’s get all these idiot cyclists off the road.

Now I know that there are a lot people who really, really hate cyclists who run stop signs and red lights and so on.

As of now, the only thing stopping them is a certain death when they get hit by a car.

Since the death penalty isn’t working, the next logical step is for the state to hire people to sit around and watch for cyclists who didn’t put their foot on the ground so they can write a bill on a piece of paper. Yes, a small fine is a MUCH huger deterrent than the normal death penalty built into our modern roads. 🙂

But I think we can do better than that.

Let’s get the government out of the “bike running the stop sign business” and let a private charity pick up the slack. Like Bush and the Tea Bagger Co. would like it.

My suggestion is that to stop cyclists from riding all together by buying them cars.

Not ordinary cars, nobody likes those. Let’s get them some SUVs, Hummers, and even a couple of Semis.

Problem solved.

Don’t you feel safer now that we have all those scofflaw cyclists behind the wheels of semis?

Because we know that people who take chances with their lives, when given an armored vehicle, will magically become model citizens!

Here’s a testimonial.

“Climbing into that massive Semi where I could barely see the ground was like a baptism. Now that I was totally free from any chance of harm, I realized that I should obey every single traffic law. I don’t text. Heck, I don’t even listen to the radio nor talk to passengers while driving because these are all known distractions which kill thousands of people each year.

Thanks, Bikes to Semis!”


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