VC Doctors and a Danish Hospital

First of all, I’d like to point out, for the thick, that I’m going to use some metaphors in this post. Metaphors are where you compare things that are not the same as if they were. So I don’t want any more complaints (yes, this happened to me) that “hospitals” have nothing to do with “cycle tracks”.

No shit. That’s why it’s a metaphor.

If they were related then it would be a comparison.

Anyway, when talking to VC people, I imagine talking about a hospital instead of cycle tracks to a VC person.

Me: Hey, they have this new stuff, antibiotics, that cures lots of infetions in the Netherlands! We should use it here.

VC: But this is San Diego, not Amsterdam. It won’t work here.

Me: Why not?

VC: Because it’s not San Diego.

Me: Let’s just try and see. If it really fails, we’ll stop using it.

VC: OK, but first we must make sure that it’s safe.

Me: They said that it is, though occasionally someone has an allergic reaction. But people here are dying in droves of infections and they are all cured over there.

VC: OK, it’s NOT safe! If a single person has a single problem then it’s not safe.

Me: Um…

VC: Plus, what if the reason for the Danish success is that they are racial different?

Me: Dutch?

VC: What?

Me: You said Danish, aka Denmark. I am talking about the Dutch aka Netherlands.

VC: Don’t nitpick me!

Me: The point is that this stuff is really great and we should try is on some patients.

VC: But it’s expensive!

Me: We have people who are willing to pay right now to try it.

VC: But it’s not part of US standard practice.

Me: That standard was made before we discovered antibiotics. Plus the standard says nothing that contra-indicates antibiotics so let’s try it.

VC: But if we use it, it might become popular then we could never get rid of it.

Me: Um, send it back to the Netherlands? They said that they would take it back. Plus purchasing said that they could get a full refund in 24 hours.

VC: I have heard that a lot of people want to try antibiotics. Seems like a popularity contest to me.

Me: Right. It’s popular and it works. Here’s a paper that proves it.

VC: There’s a comma splice here?

Me: WHAT?!?

VC: I found a single mistake here. Because there’s a single mistake in this study, I will reject the entire thing.

Me: There’s lots more data.

VC: Like this one, which shows that 99% of people will DIE if they get near an antibiotic. We must keep this disease out of here.

Me: But it was written by Dr. Trees, who invented blood letting. If we use antibiotics, we won’t have blood letting anymore. So it’s a conflict of interest.

VC: Exactly!

Me: Huh?!

VC: If we have antibiotics, we won’t have blood letting. Blood letting kills the weak which is great. Only the strong survive. If we have antibiotics, then “incompetent patients” will survive. That’s not what you want is it?

Me: Yes, that’s exactly what I want.

VC: Plus, if we start curing people, we’ll have more people coming to the hospital. We don’t want that, do we?

Me: If they are sick, yes, they should come to the hospital.

VC: Yes, they will come here where they will die!

Me: Um, only if you didn’t blood let them! That’s what’s killing people. Antibiotics will save them so we can send them home.

VC: Prove it.

Me: Here’s a few studies.

VC: Missing a period, scale on graph is not 100%, and there’s no abstract. I must reject each and every paper on the grounds that they don’t meet my standards.

Me: What are your standards for selecting data?

VC: I can’t tell you.

Me: Why?

VC: Because I’m an expert.

Me: Experts are trained by other experts who write their knowledge in a book in a systematic way.

VC: Blood letting experts don’t. I have a BLD: blood letting degree. I’m an expert.

Me: That’s not even a reliable certification. Mr. Trees made up his own paper degree and now he acts like he’s a real doctor.

VC: Don’t insult the experts. Are you some kind of troll?

Me: No! God, I forgot why I am even here. Do you remember.

VC: No.

(If this argument went in circles for decades this might actually resemble how it feels to debate VCers on infrastructure.)


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