Inside Out

My new obsession is the notion of coherence. That is, I’d like my actions and my stated goals to work together.

The analogy was how white light scatters quickly while a laser of the same power can be seen much further away due to the fact that the light is coherent.

Overall, since I’m super lazy and unambitious, the idea isn’t really to accomplish a great deal, but rather just to get out of my own way.

One of the problems I have had with coherence for years is the problem of my meditation practice.

One of my biggest goals is to give things up, to do with less, and to be happy wherever I am and however I feel.

On the other hand, I do have the hope to try to make my world a better place.

This seemed to be a conflict because why would I need to make the world a better place if I were happy all ready.

Conversely, if the world were perfect, I’d have less incentive to meditate and to give things up because everything would be so lovely.

This morning, I resolved the dilemma as I realized that it is a false dilemma.

My error was creating a duality between my inside and my outside. I realized that I could work to make _both_ inside and outside better.

There’s no point in worrying about things being too perfect. The whole idea is to incrementally make things better forever.

If I do reach a stopping point, the Earth will be a Paradise, and I will be enlightened.

Not a scary outcome at all.

Otherwise, I will have a continual supply of things to do.

Last weekend, I worked out a similar conflict regarding Right Speech.

I realized that the reason I didn’t want to practice Right Speech was due to laziness and to greed.

Laziness meant that instead of saying things nicely, I’d just quickly dismiss them as stupid. While this did save me a lot of time and grief, perhaps I should work harder to be nicer even to people who are total idiots. 🙂

Secondly, perhaps I should try less hard to get attention which is another reason I say mean and otherwise unskillful things.

I’m not making any short term promises, but I have a commitment to becoming a better person both inside and out. This includes a better built environment which takes into account needs of cyclists and pedestrians.


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