Cycling Humor: New York (and California) State Traffic Enforcement Exam

In the light of cycling humor, I came up with some of my own. It’s better and more original than the motorist’s One Joke.

1. Recently, a motorist hit a cyclist. The motorist said that the glare blinded her.

The State of New York usually gives blind motorists:

A. Driver’s license
B. Acquittal from killing someone due to disability
C. Commendation for killing the “enemy” in the war against motorists
D. All of the above

2. In what cases are cyclists solely at fault for their deaths while the motorist in the vehicle is totally innocent:

A. Rode bicycle on the sidewalk
B. Rode bicycle on the street
C. Rode bicycle on the bike path
D. Rode bicycle on the bike lane
E. No lights
F. No helmet
G. No bell
H. Driver had a bad day and hit the cyclist on purpose
I. Cyclist was smug and self-righteous
J. Cyclist had children on the bicycle
K. All of the above

3. In #2, if we fail to find criteria to exonerate the motorist, who is blamed for the accident?
A. Motorist
B. Bad road design
C. Fate
D. Cyclist’s mother for giving birth to her.

4. If an officer hits a cyclist, will he be punished?
A. Always
B. Never
C. Only if they scratch the paint on police car

5. The New York State House debated a bill to make it open season on cyclists. The bill:
A. Failed to pass due to humanitarian reasons
B. Failed to pass because cyclists are too tough of a target for guns, hitting with a car is more convenient
C. Passed
D. Failed to pass because it’s more fun to and satisfying to hear the crunch of the cyclist beneath a truck

6. A motorist confesses to killing a cyclist. You:
A. Toss out confession
B. Lie to media, blaming cyclist anyway
C. Visit cyclist, against her wishes, in the hospital and try to coerce her into claiming that she “fell off her bicycle”
D. Cook up a story about anonymous officers who were there to see her fall of her bike, but somehow were not there afterwards to help her
E. All the above

7. Based on the two prosecutions out of the twenty eight cyclists deaths in New York last year, one motorist equals how many cyclists
A. One. We are all US citizens who deserve equal protection under the law
B. Less than one tenth. (Do the math).
C. Zero. (Unless the motorist is poor AND the cyclist is rich, famous, or a judge. In this case, do more for a cyclist than you’d do for ten motorists.)

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2 Responses to “Cycling Humor: New York (and California) State Traffic Enforcement Exam”

  1. Rod Says:

    It would be funnier if it wasn’t what really happens.

    • Fred Says:

      It would be _nicer_ if that’s what didn’t happen, but I think that the fact that it’s true is what makes it so funny.

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