A Crash Report You’ll Never See

I decided to make up an imaginary crash report because I’m sick of the double standard in the media.

Note that this is NOT real, and I pray, everyday, almost continuously, actually for the good will, success in life, and health of nearly every motorist that passes me on the street. Details are in prior blog posts.

Here we go:

This just in, a Nissan 350Z rolled over and crushed its occupants. Mr. and Mrs. Unbound were crushed shortly after getting rear ended by a Greyhound.

They were not wearing helmets nor were they wearing any bright flourescent colors. I’m not saying they _deserved_ to die due to their dress code, but the SUV was black which is obviously harder to see.
Thus, their death was in some way a tragedy of the father of four, Mr. Chabot, who had never been in an accident before.

“They just came out of nowhere,” he said. “I was driving down the freeway one moment then the next, they were in the way!”

Crash analysis shows that the deceased had probably been driving the speed limit, however, many are quoted as saying that the median speed was much higher.

“You’d have to be insane to drive the speed limit on that road,” said one anonymous person.

A crash expert noted that less than 1% of people who died in traffic accidents were wearing helmets.

“Car helmets really save lives,” he said. “If they had been wearing helmets, they might be with their family today.”

Furthermore, it’s known that the 350Z is the most dangerous vehicle in its class..

“You would have to be crazy to take your life in your own hands. You have a 35x higher chance at dying.”

“(In a thirty-five m.p.h. crash test, for instance, the driver of a Cadillac Escalade—the G.M. counterpart to the Lincoln Navigator—has a sixteen-per-cent chance of a life-threatening head injury, a twenty-per-cent chance of a life-threatening chest injury, and a thirty-five-per-cent chance of a leg injury. The same numbers in a Ford Windstar minivan—a vehicle engineered from the ground up, as opposed to simply being bolted onto a pickup-truck frame—are, respectively, two per cent, four per cent, and one per cent. ) ”


Others have noted that they feel that while they are sad the couple is dead, SUV owners tend to be smug.

“According to Bradsher, internal industry market research concluded that S.U.V.s tend to be bought by people who are insecure, vain, self-centered, and self-absorbed, who are frequently nervous about their marriages, and who lack confidence in their driving skills.”

One of the biggest contributing factors to the couple’s death besides the poor vehicle choice, lack of bright colors, lack of helmet was the relatively small size of the vehicle.

“Let’s face it, the roads are dangerous,” said one expert. “If you drive a small vehicle like an SUV, you are taking your life into your own hands because you will not fare well if you get hit by a bus or semi.”

Another noted, “The couple could have taken the Greyhound and they would be alive. Instead they took the risk and jumped in a smaller vehicle and paid the price.”

Nobody is saying that it’s their fault, but logic states when two vehicles collide, the bigger one wins. Thus, they should have been in the bigger vehicle. This is not a value just a law of physics.

Some say that road safety standards should be higher, but the government disagrees.

One source said, “The roads are for big trucks and buses. Sure tiny SUVs can ‘share the road’, but we aren’t liable if they get hurt.”


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