The Big Winner

Fairy painting in CPH

No relation to story, a friend sent it and I liked it. Defaced Fairy painting in Copenhagen.

Lately, I have been reading books on assertiveness; long time readers probably know that social skills are my current passion. Also, I am working on a novel which sums up my findings.

However, sometimes, as part of equanimity practice, I will actually be _less_ assertive.

For example, I usually speak up before someone cuts me in line. However, some days, ahead of time so I know it’s not just me wussing out, I will decide to NOT speak up.

I’ll let everyone cut me in line, and however else they want to treat me like shit. Of course, I never tell anyone.

The goal isn’t to invite abuse, but rather to be OK with everything.

I have found that this type of attitude where I have the choice to speak up or not makes me less angry when I don’t speak up and less scared to actually defend myself. This is because I know that when I am defending myself, I thought it through and am not just getting angry and lashing out.

On a bicycle, this means I get less angry about door zone incidents and the right hook.

However, I still got angry recently, but this time it was at home.

A friend of mine posted on her wall about how she thought of my princess (and me) after taking a course that taught her that bicycles have the same rights and rules as automobiles. Often when people learn that they see the world differently when they encounter cyclists on the road.

Thus, I was happy, and I said so. But then someone else piped in, “But with the large mass of automobiles, the car always wins.”

I stewed about that for a while. Then I realized that I can either fight back and assert myself (which I usually do) or I could decide not to let it bother me.

I decided that I would let the motorist win. It’s merely a law of nature really.

Here are a few times when motorists were the big winners against bicyclists:

This guy won five years.

Sometimes bike lanes are just for bikes. Take back the lane!

Way to go big winners.

I guess sometimes it’s actually better to be a loser. 🙂


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