I Have a Wonderful Vision of the City

Note for the humor deprived, this is all a joke. It’s just language and is meant to amuse.

Often people tell me that they are worried about cycling advocacy not because of what we have to offer but because of the “slippery slope.” A bike rack here, a bike lane there, and pretty soon, we’ll be living in Copenhagen.

Seeing as it’s in the happiest country in the world, that would totally suck!

Very seldom do cyclist advocates show their hand and tell their motorist friends what the end game is.

Well, now, I drop the mask called counterfeit, and I display our true identity.

Kilroy!

Just kidding.

In reality, cyclists want little. We want to co-exist. Also, we’d like things to be a bit flatter, faster, and more convenient.

We’d like a bit more respect. We’d like to have bike paths which are sealed off from the major roads.

These paths can be created by the eminent domain of land: the govenment would pay what it thinks is market value to the home and business owners then it will bulldoze and flatten the area to create out paths. Each path will be a mile or so apart and the paths will criss cross the city.

If a motorist comes to the path and wants to cross, we’ll build some round about way sometimes a few miles out of the way to get around them. The hills, of course, will be much steeper than us on the our bicycle paths because the auto is capable of doing this with ease.

In some cases, the motorist will have to get out of his car and press a button before being allowed to go forward. We could automate this, but the bike paths cost billions so we’ll have little money to spare. Besides, the motorists need excercise, and they’ll get used to it.

Sometimes, to cross some really tough areas which are blocked off by our bike paths, the motorist will have to get out of his auto and take a bus to get to the other side. His auto will be loaded up onto a truck, and it will be waiting for him when he gets to the other side.

If anyone complains about this being unfair they will be mocked for being unrealistic, dreamers, communists and the like. They will be made to feel foolish for driving and be socially mariginal.

All the best things in life such as food, music venues, and so on, will be reached by bicycle, only. Also, in many cases, owning a bicycle will be necessary. In fact, you’ll have to concel owning a car to get some jobs. This will not be seen as discrimination.

Finally, the topic of conversation will be the placement of bike racks, how there are not enough close enough to the door of the building, and how there are too many bikes on the paths so we need to widen them.

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