Archive for October, 2010

Tour De Fat 2010

October 4, 2010

I looked forward to this event all year, and this year I wasn’t disappointed.

For those not in the know,
Tour De Fat is a bicycle festival that happens to have beer put on by New Belgium Brewing from Colorado.

The festival amuses many major cities on the West Coast and South West each year with its crazy, carnival atmosphere, free live entertainment, and beer.

The money goes to causes which I do not agree with, but they are only bad in a minor way while the Tour De Fat is fun in a major way.

Also, last year’s Tour De Fat gave me a job to do for the first time in about two years. It also introduced me to one of my hottest fantasies which is to be a bar tender.

This job is nearly impossible to get, as one woman told me, unless you know somebody, are blond, and have big breasts. I lack all three.

But Tour De Fat allows us to serve beer for one day a year; thus this is something that I look forward to all year.

It was worth the wait because I love serving beer! My favorite part was seeing the different types of “men” who came to buy beer. About half were the std SD guy who were very polite and fun to serve. The rest were a mixed bag who probably read “The Game” or saw “The Pickup Artist” or something, and got the idea that they had to be complete assholes. Dunno. Some tossed their wooden nickels at me. Others had unnecessary dramatic pauses at odd times (for me to be awed?)

I soaked up the shit the “Alpha Males” gave me like a white person soaks up sunshine at the shore!

When two drunken idiots came up to take female co-worker “hostage” with a fake gun, I told them as much. I asked more more and more shit and I told them I was “eating it up”.

They soon left.

Of course, after the serving was open, a friend of mine showed me an even better pattern for dealing with these yahoos.

When someone asked for a little of everything, he took the bucket of runoff and showed it to her, “There’s some of everything in here.”

She left him alone after that. Genius!

The only thing I’d do different next year is that, while I’d still hang out w/ all the wonderful people that I did, instead of just talking, I’d make some forward motion over to the interactive stuff like the crazy bikes because I’d really like to ride one.